Warrior Number Four

"I've struggled with mental health issues since I can remember. Before 2014 I had severe anxiety. After 2014 I had severe anxiety, severe depression, and PTSD. I struggle with these things every day and because mental health issues are often classified as "not important" it is hard to talk about, I found the key to surviving this is finding  someone you trust, and telling them the issues you are facing, whether that be a councillor, sibling, parent or a bestfriend. For me it was my best friend. I literally owe this girl my life and I don't think she even realizes it. She saved me from an extremely abusive relationship with my sons father. He is the trigger to my PTSD and depression. I always thought PTSD was only for war veterans. It wasn't until after 9 months of struggling with these issues that I discovered i had a mental health issue. I have vivid nightmares, if I see him or a vehicle that looks like his in town I get anxiety attacks, if I drive down roads with his memories tied to them I start to panic. If someone asks me a triggering question I freeze. If he texts or calls me i break down in tears. My mood changes drastically if something triggering happens. These memories vary from him holding a butcher knife to my throat while pinning me against the stove, to kidnapping me and my son for 4 days, to driving 160 km/hr on the highway and cranking the wheel to the left suddenly, almost killing us. My dreams are always a variation of being kidnapped and/or raped and beaten by him or people he knows. I don't know how I survived these events, but I do know these events changed my life. Would I take it all back ? The answer is no. I wouldn't take any of it back, I am stronger now, I am a better person know, and I am more aware of mental illnesses now. I have helped many people with their mental illness issues since then, and I wouldn't change that for the world.
I have been to counselling, and I take medication for my depression/anxiety and my PTSD. (Even though I had to convince my doctor after 4 visits to give me PTSD  medication, because he didn't believe me) 3 1/2 years since the first incident and 1 year and 3 months since the last severe incident, I am finally healing. My life is returning back to normal. Stop the stigma."

​-J