Sometimes I just really need to sit down and talk some real shit to myself and I'm going to do it on here in case anyone else needs to hear this today.
So dear me,
You are NOT what other people see in you. You are all the things you see in yourself.
I know you have doubts about your abilities. Everyone has that struggle. But for the love of god, don't you let it define you for even a second. You can do this or you would not be doing it. Dare to dream. Legends aren't made by people hiding in their basements.
I know you want to give up. Life is hard. It's frustrating, and sometimes taking a step forward isn't recognized by the people around you. Sometimes it is not even recognized by yourself. Here's the catch. You can change you. You make your perspective. You create your world. Create the best one for you and if you're going to spend your days worrying, worry about everything that YOU have control over. No one is going to make this life for you. You will with your own blood sweat and tears. Stop being dependant on the idea of acceptance and praise.
When you feel like crying, fucking do it. Do it with every ounce of your being. When you feel like laughing, laugh louder than anyone in the room. Be who you are. That person is loved. That person is special. That person can change this world.
STOP getting angry at all of the things that are wrong with the world. I know it's easier to look at the bad, but that isn't who you are. You are an optimist. You are clear headed. Use that optimism to light up your own life. Make it as bright as you can.
If you can forgive other people for hurting you, then give that same level of respect to yourself. This world is full of critics. You don't need to be another one. Love yourself.
Don't forget to look at how far you've already come. This is not a rush or a race to the finish line. Things will work out in the most inexplicable way sometimes, so stop trying to write the chapters that haven't happened yet.
Slow the hell down. Your brain can get you far. Just take care of it and let it have a break sometimes. Write your heart down. Use another organ for a while and stop over thinking. That too has a place, but not right now. You need to find some peace in your own mind.
STOP dwelling on the past. It is over. Those problems are gone. The only problem that exists is the ones you're creating. Let go of the rope that is holding you back. Stop letting it cut you. Stop letting it control your progress. Move forward. Life's about learning the art of letting go.
If you need to read this to the end, and you are, then look in the mirror and name three things you love about yourself. Just do it. Make a habit of doing it every time you don't know how to continue. You can. I believe in you.
Life's about making the shitty situations as beautiful as you can. Hope for the best days, but know that when they don't happen, and you feel exhausted, there is ALWAYS a reason to smile. You just have to find it.
How does one begin to write when it feels like there is nothing to say?
My creative writing teacher always told me to just start writing. Apparently that works for people.
So here I am, moving my fingers over this black and grey keyboard. Wishing. Hoping that the words will come to me.
I constantly listen to Coldplay when I am trying to write. That, and I look at old pictures or things that other brilliant minds have thought or said or written. Usually it works okay for me. Today, though, I don't want to inflict that on myself. I don't want to look at old pictures. Why?
Well, I'm scared.
In the next six months, my entire life just might drastically change. I could end up in so many different places. A place where I wont know anyone. A place that's unfamiliar to me. A place where I wont have my distractions and crutches of human connection to save me from my own brain. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited. I always smile and nod. Don't get me wrong-I am excited. But, the fact of the matter is that I am absolutely terrified, too.
Society expects you to be excited about changes that are propelling you forward into life. But, at the same time, society is also the very body of people that are all just as terrified of change as I am at this very moment. So, I have to wonder if I can have both? Be terrified of change but plunge into the unknown anyways.
I guess what I should be asking if there is any way to avoid it.
When I sit here and think about it-I mean really think about it, I don't think I have ever avoided any change that has ever happened in my life. Sure, I might have made choices to play it on the safe side to at least give myself the illusion of clarity and comfort. But, I really never avoided it. I was always meant to find this path. I really believe that. Maybe that makes me naïve. Maybe that makes me a romantic. But I am definitely that person that believes that everything happens for a reason. Even the things that I don't understand. Even the things that scare me. Especially those things. Those scary moments that seem to hang over me end up becoming the decisions that have made my life as beautiful as it is today.
And I guess with that logic, I never in a million years could have avoided the change that was going to happen. So, why not jump right in?
Food for thought, I guess.
This entry is a little bit more of me talking to myself than anyone else. But, to anyone reading, I will speak directly to you.
If you've got some decisions coming up, or something hanging over your head that you don't know how to deal with. Just know that it isn't the decision that's scaring you. Its the thought of you changing. Its the thought of you growing. You see, human beings have this tendency to fight change. We have a tendency to self sabotage to give us some outrageous idea that we have control over the changes that happen in our lives. Unfortunately, that is all that it is. It is just an illusion. You might slow down the process, but ten years down the road, you'll be just the person that you were meant to be. You might as well get a head start now and take that plunge. Don't be scared to become who you will be.
At least that's what I am going to tell myself to get through the next few months.
That's how I am going to get through the beginning of the rest of my life.
It feels like an eternity has passed since I sat down and wrote my heart out. I always feel like things comes in waves. Sometimes a writing wave hits and writing is the only way to sort it all out and sometimes I am more of a thinker and writing seems like an unapproachable task. The waves make me wonder if anyone can ever really just be static in life. Can a person just float among the waves in static existence? I can't.
I have a tendency to become unhappy or angered with my inability to be consistent. The consistent thing in my life has always been my uncanny ability to be inconsistent. Knowing that I would like being around people every hour of the day for a few weeks and then finding myself in an antisocial state where I needed to be alone used to eat me alive. Which was I? Outgoing or reserved? Or being a calm and collected person who was ready to take on the world, and the next week, someone that could hardly step out of the house because of some paralyzing anxiety that couldn't be understood. Which was I then? Calm and collected or anxious? I especially found it strange when I looked in the mirror and it nearly felt as though I didn't recognize the person who was staring back at me. I have literally spent years compiling my thoughts around this whole idea. The idea of "who I am" and what it means to have an identity. I always thought that it had to be some static thing that I would always be able to draw on when I felt lost in my own life. My motto was to ask myself every morning who I wanted to be and then go out and be that person. But, who is to know who a person wants to be in any given circumstance? I found often that I would think of one "ideal me" that I wanted to be and then find the ideal unattainable. A sense of irrational guilt would then follow. I did that so many times that I lost count.
The older I get and the more that I learn about life and myself and people, the less I believe in the idea of a fixed state of being and I don't think it's particularly fair to beat myself up over the lack of consistency that I have always felt. I change all of the time and, on some level, so does everyone else. Perhaps some people just really fight that inevitable change in order to feel comforted by the knowledge of who they are at any given time. I used to be one of those people. But now I'm not. I don't find fighting change comforting. If I write everyday this week and next week I cant put two words together, then I accept that and to me that acceptance is a relief. I never knew how to accept myself for who I was at any given moment in my life because I was taught from such a young age that I will "discover" who I am someday. Like it will happen once and then I will just know for the rest of my life. The thing about me that I know for sure is that I don't accept that idea. I have never "discovered myself." I discover myself everyday. I surprise myself all of the time. I've found pieces of myself in books and in movies and in grocery stores and in other people. I grow even when I feel like I am stuck. I have bloomed out of cracks of cement and on the sides of mountains and I've met people who grew themselves from nothing but a gust of wind and a little sunshine. Some wise person said that life is like a puzzle and when you are born you have all the pieces, and growing up is putting them together. Then, one day when its all over, the pieces fit together and you're left with the masterpiece that is your life. I can't accept that either. We don't have all of the pieces when we are born. We go looking and we find them all of the time. You give pieces of yourself away to people you love and sometimes they return them altered. Sometimes you don't get them back at all. Sometimes you lose them. Sometimes, you find pieces that don't fit right but you hold onto them for the sake of becoming whole. Chances are, when its the end of the road, you'll be missing some pieces and some will be worn out and torn. It doesn't sound pleasant, I know. But, it is because imperfection is the beauty of life. You don't get an obvious masterpiece. It isn't a miraculous transformation. It is your perception that gets to decide whether your life was a masterpiece. That isn't on any god or any other person. It certainty isn't on your parents. That's on you. Life is what you make it. You are whoever the hell you want to be. You can do whatever you wish with your pieces and you can find them wherever you wish to look. Don't search for the pieces of you to merely "discover" who you are. Create yourself. Grow into who you want to be. Create the life you want, and when it's all over, make the decision to love it for all of its imperfections.
A prelude for all those people that read what i have to say. This next post is something i wrote for English class. I was given the first sentence and was told to write a piece following that sentence. I also took my very first blog, and threw it into the mix. This is an extremely metaphorical and descriptive post of two of the biggest stages that i faced in my depression. There was times that i felt like i was drowning, and suffocating. But, there were also times when i had more anger than i knew what to do with. I am here writing this now from a place that those two stages, although dear to my heart and the person i am, are now memories of a time that i got through and that i survived. I want everyone reading this to know that you can get to where i am right now. You can make it. Just keep fighting. Your struggles do not define who you are. You do.
The Elements Within
Fires. They grew unbearable here. It was so hard to breathe, but I had become accustomed to lack of breath. I felt suffocated often, and in order to make it from one moment to the next, my nose felt as though it had to be glued to the ground—progress was always abruptly halted. I was petrified and unable to move. That made me fume. I was enraged that I felt trapped in a smoldering home, misplaced in a world that had grown cold. My fury was all consuming. I found myself thinking about being trapped which resulted in my anger, which then resulted in hopelessness, which then resulted in more rage. The cycle was as obvious as the flames around me, and I was alone, knowing that I would have to save myself.
But, it wasn’t always like that. There were other periods that the fire was a foreign and abstract idea, and the world wasn’t cold. I was. I had spent most of those years articulating my thoughts in ways that could help those suffering the same way as me. It was easy to get words out in one way or another. I could clearly explain how I felt on a daily basis for years. It was as though the words just fell out of my head and onto the keyboard. Either that, or they dropped out of my mouth as heavy as a weight lifter would drop a clean jerk Olympic lift. That is exactly how it felt. I felt the weight lift off of me when I perfectly expostulated my life struggles. It was tactical and never messy.
July third. I woke up that day in a frenzy. Everything felt heavy. It was like an ocean was weighing down on me. I still remember the feeling of suffocation I felt. I felt tired and weak and that caused me despair. It was a day of melancholic madness. But floods-- they became bearable that day.
I encountered a writing forum on a social media cite. There was a prompt picture stating “The writing challenge today is to write a piece on the picture provided. There are no rules. Simply, begin writing.” The picture was of a deep sea diver, submerged in the ocean, standing on the edge of an enormous crater in the ocean floor. It appeared juxtaposed—it was sandy and comforting, and suddenly, the ground he was standing on had literally dissipated into nothing but a black hole in front of him with no apparent end. I glanced over some of the other pieces that had been written and found them enjoyable to read. But, to me, they were missing something. So, I stared at the photograph prompt again for a moment, took a breath, and write I did. It was as though a wave of emotion had come over me and I was not afraid to take the plunge.
“Rock bottom. It had finally reached me. I did not feel anything anymore. I couldn't. There was no joy, no love, no happy ending. Life seemed to consist of an eerie wavering of my own thoughts. I was lost in the depths of the darkest ocean. I sank, releasing my utmost melancholic emotions. There was no way out. As my suffocation surpassed metaphorical and I descended into the depths of my own mind, I realized that I was surrounded entirely by a sea of my own thoughts. Then suddenly, the sunlight faded in all of its entirety. I could no longer see any light. As the last beams faded into oblivion, I realized for the first time that I missed the very light that I had lost. I missed the one thing I never felt that I could see. I found myself in the darkness of the ocean. The darkness gave me the greatest epiphany of life. It was an epiphany that propelled me forward. It is the one that forever impacts me-- the one that surfaced when I was diluted in a sea of darkness and obstreperous thought. It was the first time in my life that I realized that darkness wasn't for me. It was the first time that I realized that I wanted to live.”
When I had finished, I remember looking up from the piece of paper and crying uncontrollably. That feeling of the weight lifting off of my shoulders had just taken over my entire body. What had I had just written? I had never explained it in that way before. What had started as a gentle wave had turned into a tsunami, and I strangely felt an eerie sense of accomplishment. Unfortunately, there are four elements, and his brother fire was new to me.
I feel like i haven't wrote in ages.
I kept telling myself it was because i didn't have time. But i know now that was not the reason my hands hadn't touched my keyboard. Lately, i haven't felt like myself. I haven't had the same inspiration that propels me forward. I haven't had the same passion for philosophical contemplation. I kept asking myself why. Why can't i write? Have i lost my touch? Have i lost the ability to write clearly about the things that matter to me? For a while, i thought the answer to that question was yes. Fortunately for me though, i now know that i was wrong. That previous nagging and self loathing has been alleviated. The only question left standing is when the hell did that happen? This is one of those questions that i have no answer to. All i know is that my inspiration may have been hiding, but it has always been with me. Maybe it was reinstated into consciousness when i stood front row at the Blink 182 concert on the weekend, or when i was standing on the coast of Vancouver staring out at all of the oceans metaphorical beauty. I guess after the last month of having so much to do and not enough time, of feeling overwhelmed and helpless, of feeling like a spinning top that was so dizzy but just kept whirling and twirling, and of feeling unable to continue, i finally just realized that i already was continuing. I was already doing everything i could be. I finally realized that the fact of the matter was that i was enough. I was more than enough and i always have been.
Plainly put, there has been times i thought i couldn't continue, but i did. Not all of me believes in myself all the time. There are days when the devil on my shoulder is sabotaging my every move. The negativity practically eats me alive. It's paralyzing and terrifying. Remembering that the devil on my shoulder only owns a piece of me is what keeps me going. The angel on the other shoulder that believes in me and wants me to succeed is still there. She always has been, and she always wins. I just have to let her. I have to know that she's there even when i don't feel her. I have to believe in that piece of me even when i don't know how. That's the piece of me that was missing the last few months and my environment isn't to blame. My family isn't to blame. My friends aren't to blame. I am to blame. Not because i made a mistake or because i was in the process of learning, but because i forgot to do the one thing that stands above all else in importance. I forgot to believe in the better part of me. I forgot to believe in my angel winged shoulder. I forgot to believe in me.
A word of advice to anyone reading this. Don't lose the angel on your shoulder. Don't lose the continual fire inside of you because of a temporary shower. Just keep fighting. Life is not always straight forward. It is not always fair. It does not always give you what you want. But, with all of that in mind, i do promise that it will teach you something everyday. It will give you lessons that will guide you through every obstacle. You just have to be open to learning and be open to the fact that with all of the awesomeness that you are, there will always be a piece of you that wants to sabotage your growth. Don't fret, that's normal. Sometimes that voice will be the only one you hear. It might drowned out all of the other ones. But that doesn't mean that you forget that the other ones exist. it doesn't mean that your angel winged shoulder is gone. It just means that you can't see it right now. It's a test. So believe in all that you are, and write it.
I often find myself reminiscing about past experiences at one in the morning. Sometimes i remember them so vividly that i can physically feel myself immersed in that moment all over again. It mostly happens when i read my past writing. Today i found myself re-reading and analyzing my previous journal entries. Now, when i say previous, i mean at the ages of eighteen all the way through to now. Today i read one that i wrote when i was nineteen. At this point i had recently started my job as a Crisis Intervention Worker at a domestic violence shelter for abused women and children. I worked there until i was 21. It's the one job that i know i will always miss no matter where i go. There is so many names and faces that i will never forget and so many experiences i will always remember. There were tears i wiped off of the broken, and warm embraces i provided for the shattered. I passed along smiles and gratitude to all of the people that crossed my path and gave all of the support in my being to those who were fighting their war, striving toward a brighter future. At that time in my life, everyone was focused on finding the love of their lives, but i had already found mine- It was my job.
I often think back and ask myself why i ever left if i loved it so much. In retrospect it seemed like the piece of the puzzle that was always missing from my life. I had found it. It was part of me for two years and then i let it go. Why? Well, the best answer that i have for that question is that some things are given to you for temporary growth. Some things just work out. They feel right and effortless. They fit perfectly into our imperfect worlds. They emerge in the middle of a storm and give you exactly what you need to make it through the night. The job was a blessing; a blessing that came in the midst of a storm that i felt would last forever, and a blessing that reminded me that nothing was permanent- not my storm, and certainly not my struggles.
On July 10, 2014, i wrote something that i wholeheartedly credit to my job at the time. It read,
"I remember last year when i felt like i was a bottomless pit. It was a bottomless pit that i felt could not be filled with anything. Nothing would make it better. Then i remember to four years ago when that same bottomless, emptiness could only be filled with substances that would give me a good buzz-the ones that could put my mind at rest for even a little while. A little while was always better than the alternative. But then i think about today. I think about now. I still feel the pit in my stomach, but there is an end. It is funny how life can give you the same issues four years later and the same feelings, but they somehow become easier to deal with- all because i know how i feel. Finally, in the midst of my despair, i recognize that there is also clarity. I know that even though i hurt right now that i wont forever. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that i will hurt again but that beautiful people don't just happen. Life is like an art gallery. Some pieces take your breath away. You lose yourself in the moment and the beauty. You are mesmerized. There's a million different explanations and interpretations of the same piece of work. Some people feel utterly amazed and other people spend hours analyzing and picking each piece apart. But at the end of the day, everyone goes home and they close their eyes and remember something different about every piece. Some of them we remember as dull and dark. Some we can remember with intensity because they spoke our own language, and some we hold with us forever, because in all of their simplicity, they gave us something that we didn't have before we saw it. Sometimes we gaze at the pieces alone, sometimes with someone else, and sometimes with lots of people. But, regardless of who is standing beside you in that moment, who values the same artistic qualities, or who goes home thinking of the same pieces, you are the one with the memory. The memory is your own and that's really all that life is. It's a bunch of memories that we have the capacity to make beautiful."
My previous job, just as everything in my rear view mirror, i see as stepping stones that lead me to bigger and brighter places. No matter the nature of your stepping stones-whether it is a job, or a relationship, or a friend, or a dark time in your life, just remember that you alone have the capacity to make your memories beautiful. You have the capacity to make your life beautiful. Puzzles are a part of life. We spend years putting them together, but some pieces are only meant to be temporary. Sometimes all we need to do to move on is to let go of the parts of us that were temporary. I know it is easier said than done, but i will give you a hint- they are the pieces of you that you wouldn't keep in your own art gallery. They are the pieces that take away from the masterpiece that is your life. Let go of those pieces and find the full potential of your life. Don't settle for mediocre. Don't settle for comfortable. Don't settle for temporary.
They say to find something good in every day. This morning, i was convinced that there was no good that could come from my melancholic madness. I found myself nearly giving up before i got out of bed. I didn't want to, and technically i didn't have to. After all, we never have to do anything that we don't want to. But today I did want to. I wanted to no matter how hard i thought it might be. At first i was certainly wrong. The day started out terribly. I forced my limp body out of bed. I was exhausted. My head was pounding, and my heart was sunk into the floor. In no time, i found myself at work. For everyone reading, i work at a youth shelter. My clients are both rewarding and frustrating simultaneously. Needless to say, one of said clients was a little less than kind to me this morning. I remember thinking to myself that the person really hurt me. I couldn't understand why a person who i had been trying to help for so long could say something so hurtful. I couldn't understand how he/she could. But, then it dawned on me. We were both struggling and we were both just trying to find the good in our day. I think for me it was easier to find that good because even though i found myself hurt in the first couple of hours, i knew that I had a job that i love on most days; a job that allows me to see the good in people even when they don't see it themselves. For me, that is somehow enough-even when it feels like it never could be.
By the middle of my day, i had found a reason to smile. I had pushed through my gut instinct to stay in bed and pretend i had no life to live and no lives to change. That in itself speaks volumes. Usually i do nothing but listen to my gut instincts. I was always told to listen to them because they are never wrong. But, today i realized that the precious gut feeling that i admired and depended on so much could in fact be wrong. Who knew that this morning following my heart instead of my gut instinct would teach me such a valuable lesson? I certainly did not. All i know is that my heart told me to fight. It told me that i had something to live for and, today, my heart was right.
I spent the majority of last week in a fritz because i was angry that my heart and my brain are always at war, but today it was my stomach and my heart that were fighting. I realized something important in the midst of the viscous chaos that is my body. I realized that the beautiful human that is me was not born a "regular" vessel. I was born in a body at war. I realized that my gut, my mind, and my heart all make me who i am because they are all fighting. After all, the fight inside my body allows me to redirect my energy and take the fight to the obstacles in my life. I call this the fight for happiness.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not free from the human tendency of second guessing and overthinking. I do not know how to make choices sometimes when i am at war with myself. What i do know though, is that no matter the struggle, i can learn from everyday and that some day ahead, these seemingly preposterous decisions will get easier, no matter what war i am fighting with myself. That is what keeps me going. It's knowing that my mind, my heart, and the knots in my stomach sometimes part ways, but they always guide me in the right direction. I just have to keep going and practice answering the important question of which organ to use at any given moment. Do i use my gut? The instinctual knowledge that there is danger in the world that needs to be avoided? Do i listen to my mind? The rational empiricist that allows me to use cognition and reason to solve problems? Or, do i use my heart? The greatest organ in my entire body that allows me to empathize, sympathize, and fantasize about all of the beauty that is in the world? I would guess that all three are important, but how could i possibly know when they are correct? Can all be correct at once? Truthfully, i know not of the answers to these questions. All i know is that this morning, i listened to my heart. I let myself fight through a day that i knew would be difficult, and i won.
Today i won a battle characterized by my depression. I won despite how difficult the day appeared at first glance. I faced the parts of me that were scared. I silenced the mind that would not be quiet. I accepted the challenge of a difficult day, and in the weakest moment, i discovered a reason to smile, a reason to live, and a reason to fight for my happiness even when there was no clear reason to keep fighting. I can't tell any of you the easiest way to fight for your brighter tomorrow. I also cannot help any of you find one good thing in every day or tell you that there is a way to end the war that happens inside of you. All i can tell you is that the possibilities are endless, your potential is flawless, and that everyday is a battle that can potentially win your war.
"May the odds be forever in your favor" and never give up on your fight for happiness.
I always tell people that the worst days of our lives are beautiful. I get strange glances when i say that, but i know it to be true. I know that sometimes i don't feel the sunshine on my face. I feel no joy. I feel nothing. But i always remember in retrospect that those days are simultaneously the best days and the worst days of my life. They are the most opaquely beautiful ones that i could ever have. I am lucky to be able to perfectly articulate how i feel in moments of weakness-even the moments that seem to last for days. It is a suffocation one comes to know very well. Ironically, It becomes like the air you breathe. It is the inability to think functional thoughts. The feeling of your stomach dragging on the floor. It is a heartbeat so rapid that it temporarily feels as though it has left your heart cavity. It is metaphorically being in the fetal position, clutching your knees and silently screaming for someone to come and hold you until it's over, but knowing that the person who saves you will always have to be yourself. It's the days you look up at the sky and ask the universe to give you a crystal ball that will answer all of life's unanswerable questions because all you want in that moment is just one second of clarity. You need the crystal ball to tell you to move forward. To tell you that this is all happening for only the best and most beautiful reasons and to remind you that you will have all you ever need one day-even though right now you don't even know what you want. You need the crystal ball to tell you to breathe because it is only a bad day and never will it be a bad life, and to tell you that all of your missing pieces only exist to prepare you for the new pieces to come that will make you better, stronger, and happier. Perhaps those pieces silently exist as a reminder of where you have been. Maybe they do not exist for the purpose of examination or fixation. And maybe, if all of that is true, then we don't need a crystal ball after all.
Truthfully, i can't tell any of you why any given thing has happened in your life. All i can tell you is that you don't need a crystal ball. And i can tell you that maybe it is true that no one understands you and your struggles like you understand yourself, but i can tell you that every human being has that in common. I need myself because i know myself, just as you need you and you know yourself.
You are the sunshine on your face. You are your strength. You are your crystal ball. You are your compassion. You are your light, and you are all of your pieces no matter how broken or flawed they are.
You are you, and you are enough.
I often wonder if other people ever feel similar things that i feel. I know it might be silly to believe that i am the only person that knows what it feels like to be lost in a city that i know every corner of, but something just seems to be missing.
I know that sometimes reality is hard to come to terms with. The stress of life sometimes brings me down to a place i know not of. There is no signs on the road to guide me and even when i am surrounded by people, it seems impossible to feel anything but alone. Meanwhile, there are questions swirling around and inside my head, and the answers are not simply out of reach; there just are none. At least none that i can see. Those are the moments that i catch myself and my negativity. Because, maybe it is just as simple as believing that there is one. Maybe there is many. Maybe life is as simple as believing in something.
I always wondered how strong the mind was. Could it really save your life? Could it change your world into a peaceful place? I think the answer is yes. Yesterday, a thought crossed my mind that has crossed it several times before. I wondered how people could levitate. I always pictured Buddhists praying with their legs crossed and their hands curled up towards the sky. I always thought that somehow their god raised them up towards him. But, as i sat there at that moment, i felt like the whole idea of levitation was entirely metaphorical. It is just the idea that human beings can rise above anything. We can rise above the things that are beneath us and that having faith in a higher power allows us to do that. Then i waited a minute and shook my head and thought, no. It isn't about having faith in a higher power, it's about having faith in yourself.
I know that sounds cliche, but that thought alone- the idea that we can get through the most treacherous times by believing in a brighter day ahead- gets me through everything. It's the map that guides me when i feel lost, and i hope that you can all find a way to believe in that too, or if nothing else, a way to believe in yourselves.
To anyone reading this, the quote "you are a whole person without someone else. You are not a fraction. You are a complete masterpiece all by yourself and you do not need anyone else to validate your existence" is the most truthful lesson you will ever learn. Just a reminder to the people reading this that feel like less of a person because they have been hurt or abandoned by someone, or maybe many people that they love. Maybe they have been hurt more than once. I can promise you that you do not need anyone else, and do you want to know why? Because you came into this world as a whole, single person. You have lived, you have learned, you have lost, and you are still breathing. You haven't gotten to this point because someone has carried you here and it doesn't matter if you ran, walked, or crawled. It doesn't matter how many times you looked back or you got stuck. It matters that you are here right now at this very moment and that through the loss, the frustration, and the moments where you thought you could not continue-you did. That in itself is an accomplishment, that in itself is amazing, and that in itself is a validation of your existence.
My name is Morgan and I have a passion for writing, just as I have a passion for supporting those that suffer from various mental health concerns. I fully believe that each day is brand new and we can do with it as we wish. Mental illness is crippling, and you may lose the battle but that does not mean that you will lose the war. Keep fighting and know that you are not, and never will be, alone.