How does one begin to write when it feels like there is nothing to say?
My creative writing teacher always told me to just start writing. Apparently that works for people.
So here I am, moving my fingers over this black and grey keyboard. Wishing. Hoping that the words will come to me.
I constantly listen to Coldplay when I am trying to write. That, and I look at old pictures or things that other brilliant minds have thought or said or written. Usually it works okay for me. Today, though, I don't want to inflict that on myself. I don't want to look at old pictures. Why?
Well, I'm scared.
In the next six months, my entire life just might drastically change. I could end up in so many different places. A place where I wont know anyone. A place that's unfamiliar to me. A place where I wont have my distractions and crutches of human connection to save me from my own brain. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited. I always smile and nod. Don't get me wrong-I am excited. But, the fact of the matter is that I am absolutely terrified, too.
Society expects you to be excited about changes that are propelling you forward into life. But, at the same time, society is also the very body of people that are all just as terrified of change as I am at this very moment. So, I have to wonder if I can have both? Be terrified of change but plunge into the unknown anyways.
I guess what I should be asking if there is any way to avoid it.
When I sit here and think about it-I mean really think about it, I don't think I have ever avoided any change that has ever happened in my life. Sure, I might have made choices to play it on the safe side to at least give myself the illusion of clarity and comfort. But, I really never avoided it. I was always meant to find this path. I really believe that. Maybe that makes me naïve. Maybe that makes me a romantic. But I am definitely that person that believes that everything happens for a reason. Even the things that I don't understand. Even the things that scare me. Especially those things. Those scary moments that seem to hang over me end up becoming the decisions that have made my life as beautiful as it is today.
And I guess with that logic, I never in a million years could have avoided the change that was going to happen. So, why not jump right in?
Food for thought, I guess.
This entry is a little bit more of me talking to myself than anyone else. But, to anyone reading, I will speak directly to you.
If you've got some decisions coming up, or something hanging over your head that you don't know how to deal with. Just know that it isn't the decision that's scaring you. Its the thought of you changing. Its the thought of you growing. You see, human beings have this tendency to fight change. We have a tendency to self sabotage to give us some outrageous idea that we have control over the changes that happen in our lives. Unfortunately, that is all that it is. It is just an illusion. You might slow down the process, but ten years down the road, you'll be just the person that you were meant to be. You might as well get a head start now and take that plunge. Don't be scared to become who you will be.
At least that's what I am going to tell myself to get through the next few months.
That's how I am going to get through the beginning of the rest of my life.
My name is Morgan and I have a passion for writing, just as I have a passion for supporting those that suffer from various mental health concerns. I fully believe that each day is brand new and we can do with it as we wish. Mental illness is crippling, and you may lose the battle but that does not mean that you will lose the war. Keep fighting and know that you are not, and never will be, alone.